It's only human to have a little meltdown. I don't know if being cooped up at home finally got to me, or the looming car repair bill, or having to ask people to drive me around for the past three weeks - but when the mechanic finally told me today that I needed to take Ray to yet another repair shop, I finally gave in to the tears I've been struggling to hold back for the past couple of days. I felt defeated and alone. Just when I thought things were on an even keel and I was doing all right emotionally and financially - I encountered yet another challenge to overcome. I pulled myself together long enough to find, after several fruitless phone calls, an old Isuzu dealership in Venice that could help me - and Ray Isuzu. By the time I hung up, it was too late to call AAA to arrange for Ray to be towed to Venice, so I'll have to do that tomorrow. I was still feeling incredibly stressed out and so like the very human person that I am I cried, yelled at no one in particular and cried some more. I decided that I had just about enough for one day so I turned the ringer off on the phone and retired to the sofa with Aggie and Peter for some unconditional pet love and sympathy. When I had calmed down enough to try a more prayerful attitude, I realized that things were really not so bad. I mean, there are rebuilt and after market parts available, the service manager at the dealership told me that his Isuzu mechanics had been working on those vehicles for fifteen years and they had all the software necessary to reprogram my car. The repair bill still isn't in my budget, but miraculously, one of my deadbeat clients came and paid me half the balance he's owed me for a year and when I checked my voice mail, one of my favorite clients, Robert Redford (I'm not kidding - that's his name), called and wants to bring me his last two years worth of taxes. I have to work at the tortilleria on Wednesday, so I'm more than halfway to being able to afford $800 to repair Ray - and that's a worst case scenario. While my meltdown certainly seemed to relieve the pent up frustration and stress I was experiencing, I only really felt better after I sat quietly and gave my cares to Someone bigger than me. It seems that I can never remember the words of Psalm 46:10 when I need them most: "Be still and know that I am God."
4 years ago