Why I do not have children...

See this?  Crying, shrieking baby - completely out of control with a mother who is either unable or unwilling to stop the tantrum.  Somewhere outside my office - at least fifty feet away - there is a shrieking child whom I cannot see, but can hear loudly and clearly.  This has been going on for at least fifteen minutes.  I suspect it's someone outside the local gambling establishment (yet another story) sitting with the kids while the friend or significant other is inside gambling away the milk and diaper money.  Probably the same people I see in the grocery store with carts full of beer and junk food who smack their crying children and say, "If you don't shut up, I'll give you something to cry about."  Like that ever works.  My mother used to say that to us.

I'm so cynical today.  Which is probably another reason why God never allowed me to have children - well, that and the fact the I didn't get married until I was 37.  An interesting, and yet somehow confusing, correlation which I have explained to many people, believe me.

It goes like this:

"Do you have children?"

"No - I didn't get married until I was 37."

"Yes, but did you have children before that?"

At which point I want to say, "No, you dumbass - don't you know that marriage comes before children?"

But instead, I just smile and change the subject.  And, of course, now I am thankful that I don't have a teenager with too much make-up and multiple piercings making me nuts during the throes of menopause at the advanced age of 51.  Because I'd have to be a lot nicer and stop using dumbass at the end of every sentence.